If you’re looking to balance both the Buddhism and feminism in your life (when you consider yourself both), then it’s important to learn how to deal with contentious situations with grace and non-attachment. I do believe it’s possible to be both Buddhist and feminist, but it takes a lot of mindfulness and a little finesse.
These 4 points below help you to navigate through your life, especially conversations with others, to honor both these aspects of self.
*This post may contain affiliate links. Read our full disclosure policy, click here.
What is Feminism?
Before we dive in here, I want to make sure I’ve defined my two terms that I’m going to be using. That will make sure everyone’s on the same page and potentially clear up any confusion.
I define feminism as the social advocacy for equality of all genders. It works to challenge systems of oppression that have been working within the patriarchy for thousands of years, to give power back to the people, to women and marginalized genders.
I subscribe to a bell hooks form of feminism, rather than a Taylor Swift kind of feminism. This means that I believe in intersectionality—that the oppression of women, the LGBTQ+ community, BIPOC, the disabled community, immigrants, elderly people, people living in poverty, and other marginalized communities all are connected. (Basically, sexism doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it exists alongside racism, ableism, homophobia, etc.)
What is Buddhism?
Buddhism is a religion, but can also be philosophy or set of life practices, that centers around the idea that life is full of suffering and essentially learning how to navigate that through compassion, mindfulness, and “skillful” living.
As if feminism wasn’t already controversial enough, saying that I practice Buddhism as a white woman from the Midwest sounds a lot like I’m okay with cultural appropriation.
I do not practice Buddhism in the same way that someone from the Phillippines might, for example. I have adopted the practices of “Engaged Buddhism,” as taught to the Western world by Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, fondly referred to as “Thay” by his students.
In this type of Buddhism, it is boiled down to its truest essence and most basic principles in order to simplify the dharma (teachings) and its practices. Thay specifically brought this form of Buddhism to the Western world, not as a religion so much, but more as a philosophy and a set of practices that will help you learn to navigate the suffering of life and find inner peace.
What If You Are Both A Feminist and A Buddhist?
The primary clash between feminism and Buddhism basically occurs where feminism is seeking to change the patriarchal system to allow for increased equality, whereas Buddhism is focused on changing the self to allow for greater peace of mind.
I find that some feminists (particularly those who subscribe to white feminism) aren’t very self-aware, and many Buddhists take a “live and let live” approach to others.
How do we start to reconcile these two things? How can we make sure we’re enacting change in our outside world while being conscious of not causing others suffering?
RELATED POST: The 10 Books That Changed My Life as a Woman
A Deeper Look at the Conflicts
Feminists are known for speaking publicly about very controversial issues. Bot all feminists are overbearing, to be clear. But the general public perception of feminists is that they’re loud, in your face, and unyielding.
Buddhists call this “divisive speech,” that is, speech that has the potential to divide people or turn people against each other.
Also with feminism, it often feels like we have to tear the whole structure down to make any lasting change, thus causing suffering in the process.
Whereas, on the other side of things, feminists might view Buddhists as leading lives of passivity—allowing the systems of oppression to continue because “there will always be suffering.” It can feel dismissive.
It doesn’t help that discussing the principles of feminism with others can be incredibly frustrating. Many people don’t want to listen, they shut off, or they are triggered and begin a verbal fight.
As both a feminist and a Buddhist, I want to speak my truth with compassion, so that it may lead to a reduction of suffering for others and greater peace in the world.
4 Ways to Honor Both Buddhism and Feminism
Essentially, Buddhism and feminism are actually two sides of the same coin—one for reducing the suffering in yourself, and the other for reducing suffering in society.
Here are a few principles you might be able to utilize when you’re trying to stay centered and compassionate when discussing feminism, but you aren’t sure where to start.
1. Leave Your Ego
First, like everything with Buddhism, you gotta leave your ego at the door. The ego, the “I,” says that you are the most important thing! You want to win, you want to BE RIGHT! You want to punish the other person or PROVE to them that they’re wrong.
I know the feeling. But it’s not productive. We HAVE to let this go if we want to get anywhere. So when you feel that pressure boiling up that you’re losing the argument, reminder yourself that it’s not an argument.
You’re not out to prove anything… at least not yet. You’re only out to see if there’s something the other person hasn’t thought of yet.
You do that by having a real conversation with them instead of an argument. A real conversation can be had when people aren’t trying to be right and instead trying to learn. That’s what leads to #2.
2. Start with Questions
Ask tons of questions of the other person. Why do they believe that feminist are bad? Why do they think that feminism is causing harm to men? What kinds of experiences have they had that led them to this opinion?
Asking questions is hard, I won’t lie. We aren’t taught how to ask questions of each other as children, and many of us (especially us neurodivergent folk) have to figure out how to do it on our own by watching others. Many people don’t ever learn.
(If you struggle with asking questions or tend to freeze under pressure, I’m going to direct you to Kasia Urbaniak’s Verbal Self-Defense Dojo course. It’s incredible.)
But asking questions really helps the other person clarify their own beliefs, which may or may not be rooted in compassion.
3. Speak your truth from a place of compassion
Once you’ve determined what exactly it is that they think, you can give points to agree or refute their own opinions, but make sure you lead with compassion.
At the center or the heart of every sentence you speak should be a kindness and understanding that we’re all suffering. You can challenge the other person, but do so without blame. You can bring up contrary thoughts, but make sure you tie it into something they’ve said.
Show them that you were listening. Then after they respond, ask for clarity if you need it.
Leading with compassion is never the wrong answer.
4. Embrace the discomfort
Talking with others about the heart of oppression in our world (the white, Christian, heterosexual patriarchy), is going to cause some tension.
Tension itself is not suffering (even if some people who have been traumatized might feel triggered by the tension of disagreeing with someone). Tension, discomfort, whatever you want to call it, is how we grow.
Discomfort is simply the expansion of our belief system and world. It’s something to embrace. If the other person feels uncomfortable and wants to end the conversation, you could always go back to #2 and ask them why. Find the understanding you’re missing.
5. Be Present
As a Buddhist, you’ve been working on mindfulness and presence for a long time. If you want to check out of the conversation, don’t. If the other person is trying to speed up the pace to throw you off or control the conversation, don’t allow them to control you.
Take your time.
Find understanding.
Breathe.
Being with them in that moment might be what helps to change their mind.
6. Understand that Everyone Suffers Under Patriarchy
Even cis, heterosexual, affluent, Christian white men in positions of power suffer under patriarchy, and they deserve compassion. It may not be the same kind of compassion you would offer a hungry child (although considering today’s world, that may not be the best example).
It’s easy to be mad at them.
But they are indeed suffering. They’ve been shut off from their emotions. They believe that suppression and violence are the only ways to get things done. They were likely bullied as children, forced into this archaic view of traditional masculinity.
So yes, they need to be challenged, but they also need to be listened to and understood. They need validation and love, just like the rest of us.
Reflection Questions
While you’re going through the process of bringing Buddhism to your feminism, and feminism to your Buddhism, make sure you’re checking in with yourself.
- Am I coming from a place of love or anger?
- Am I centered?
- Am I speaking from a place of clarity?
- Am I listening?
- Am I asking questions?
- Am I trying to understand?
- Am I trying to build bridges instead of walls?
These questions can help you refocus when you get a little lost in those challenging conversations.
Conclusion
It’s good to speak your truth as a feminist to others! But making sure that we’re speaking and listening in skillful ways can help to create compassion and understanding in people that might not otherwise agree.
Remember, even if you’re passionate and get worked up about feminist issues, the best way to get your point across is with love and with the intention of building connections with others, not making others feel like they’re wrong.
Buddhism and feminism actually go together quite nicely when you really think about it, and I hope that many more people choose to start speaking up in skillful ways about things that matter to the state of the world and humanity.
What do you think? Can Buddhism and feminism go together?
Did I miss anything? Drop a comment below.
RELATED POST: How to Radiate Divine Feminine Energy!
