I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, so it’s not surprising that I had a few memories suddenly resurface where I experienced RSD, or rejection sensitive dysphoria.
In this post, I’ll discuss 11 signs of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria with examples of RSD from my own life. My hope is that you might recognize some of these in your own life if you think you may be neurodivergent or experience RSD.
*This post may contain affiliate links. Read our full disclosure policy, click here.
*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and do not offer this as medical advice. This is my own personal experience and I encourage everyone to seek advice from their doctor before making decisions about their health. To view our full disclaimer policy, click here.
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
Basically, RSD is where even the smallest criticism or rejection can feel massive to an individual, causing a huge emotional reaction. It’s pretty obvious in children, who don’t have the conditioning or coping mechanisms that adults do. Basically, kids are more naturally authentic than adults. But it can be very obvious to other adults who are close to you if you experience rejection sensitive dysphoria as well, especially if you live with them.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is real within the person’s body. In other words, they are experiencing real pain and extreme emotions.
11 Signs of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Whether you’re examining yourself or looking at someone else in your life, here are a few things you might notice if that person has rejection sensitive dysphoria:
- they react strongly to something out of the blue (the intent was neutral, but the reaction was strong.)
- perfectionism, not wanting to let others down
- people pleasing, being afraid to upset others
- difficulty receiving feedback of any kind
- feeling like a burden to the people around them
- assuming the worst (“Are you mad at me?”)
- guilt or shame after social interactions, thinking they messed that interaction up
- ruminating over past conversations, looking for rejection
- over-apologizing
- need for constant reassurance
- sudden mood changes
Examples of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Childhood through Adulthood)
These signs can show up in ways that aren’t instinctual, or they look like something else. I thought of several examples from my life, from childhood through adulthood, that helped me realize that this is definitely something I struggle with.
These examples may also help you track your own RSD or the RSD of another individual in your life.
Age 5 – Getting the wrong drink at dinner meant my mother didn’t love me
When I was five, I hated apple juice. There was something about it that tasted like bile to me, and I thought it was the most disgusting substance on the planet.
One night for dinner, my mom accidentally swapped my milk with my brother’s apple juice and I took a drink without looking. The mistake was inexcusable to me. It felt like a rejection of ME, of my identity, of who I was—my mother had forgotten that I don’t like apple juice!
Clearly, it was a simple mistake, but I took it as my mother rejecting me. I ran, sobbing, away from the dinner table and slammed the door to my room. I didn’t eat my dinner that night.
Age 9 – Failure to make a salad
Another example of rejection sensitive dysphoria from my childhood also revolves around food. I was around nine years old, maybe a little younger. It was close to bed time, and I was still hungry even though I had had dinner. I asked my mom for a salad.
Understandably, she told me to make it myself. I hadn’t ever made a salad before, but I had seen my mother do it, so I took to the task confidently.
I got out a cutting board, bowl, and knife and brought the iceberg lettuce out from the fridge. I began cutting myself some lettuce but noticed that it had a different texture than I was used to. When my mom came back into the kitchen from putting my brother to bed, she told me, “That’s cabbage.”
I was so dejected I threw myself into bed and cried myself to sleep. I can’t even remember if I cleaned up the cabbage I had cut up. (Probably not.)
Both of these examples of RSD weren’t even direct rejections! These were things that I had perceived as massive failures to the point where I couldn’t function. I was paralyzed by these mistakes that were made.
30s – Everyone Gets Busy at the Same Time
Throughout my 30s, one of the things that I’ve noticed is that I am more community minded. I have two sons, who I want to raise with plenty of healthy adults around them. In my 20s, I usually had so much going on in my personal and professional life, I was usually the one forgetting to text someone back, not the other way around!
So it became hard for me to handle when I would text people and not hear back from them immediately. I almost always assume that I have ticked them off or that they’re mad at me for some reason. It’s a feeling that’s difficult to shake, even if I do know logically that they’re probably just busy.
This one is less of one single event and more of an ongoing struggle!
Age 39 – RSD with a Healthy Reaction
As an almost 40 year old teacher, I was chewed out by a custodian. I’m teaching at a new school this year, and I have a bunch of furniture and old materials that I don’t need in my classroom. The front office clerk told me to put the things I wanted removed aside and let the custodians know.
Because other teachers had moved old furniture into the hallway, that’s where I moved mine. Within 5 minutes, one of the custodians sought me out and told me that that wasn’t the process, that I needed to fill out a form, and that I had scratched up the tile in the hallway.
I had done nothing wrong (aside from maybe not talking to the custodian before moving the furniture), but the pain and emotions I felt were real when she took a harsh tone with me. I felt like a 10 year old being reprimanded! I immediately apologized and let her know it was a miscommunication.
Thankfully, at this age, I have enough experience to figure out know that this person was frustrated that they had just waxed the floor in the hallway (not that the floor had been scratched). They’re probably also overworked and don’t like people adding things to their plate. Both things are totally understandable.
Once I offered to take some of that off their plate by taking the items to Salvage myself, they immediately changed their tune and were much more understanding.
I’m not as sensitive around other neurodivergent individuals
One thing I’ve noticed over the years, as an adult, is that if I peg a person as neurodivergent, I usually don’t get as sensitive around them. If someone I suspect is on the autism spectrum blows me off or doesn’t respond as quickly as I would like, I don’t think they’re mad at me.
I am not a psychologist and certainly don’t know what this means. I only thought it was an interesting observation!
Can Your Upbringing Impact Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
A consideration I would love to learn more about is if a person’s childhood upbringing can influence RSD to be worse or better, depending on the care the person received.
For example, if a person is brought us with grace and flexibility, learning about their RSD and how to work with it from a young age, does that person generally have better coping skills as an adult?
On the opposite side, if a person is, for example, raised by a covert narcissist who actually would stonewall you if you upset them, or actually would manipulate you to feel like a burden because they lack the communication skills to tell you that they need alone time–would that person have worse symptoms and a harder time coping?
My gut says yes, but I am unsure about what the research says.
Conclusion
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a complex reaction that many people with ADHD and other neurodivergence may experience. But when you start to recognize the signs of it, you begin to see examples all over your life.
I do believe that with recognition and practice, a person who struggles with RSD can lessen the severity of emotions she or he may have.
Do you struggle with RSD?
What are some examples you’ve experienced in your own life?