Becoming a mother is undoubtedly one of the most important decisions an INFJ woman will make in her lifetime. Raising children can be difficult for anyone, but it especially poses challenges to people with introverted personality types. As parents, we’re often told that raising our kids must come first and foremost; however, as INFJs, this simply isn’t possible.
This post will discuss what it means to be an INFJ mother, the importance of a balanced life to this personality type, and how being introverted can affect parenting decisions.
What is an INFJ?
If you need an introduction, I think it’s safe to say that you aren’t one. This personality type is based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test in which we’re asked a series of questions and then ranked along 4 different polarity types:
Introverted vs Extroverted
Sensing vs Intuitive
Thinking vs Feeling
Judging vs Perceiving
There are 16 personality types total but let me not get into all those traits here (though if you want more details there are some great resources with tests found here: 16 Personalities, Human Metrics, Truity).
Basically, the personality type of the INFJ are people who are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging, and they may be different levels of those traits. For example, I’m only introverted leaning, at about 12% more introverted than extroverted, but I’m almost entirely Feeling and Judging. (Judging doesn’t actually mean that you “judge” people… it has more to do with planning and executing a plan.)
INFJs are very rare (1-2% of the population) and often feel misunderstood. This leads them to seek out answers.
“INFJs are creative nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential.”
What does it mean to be an INFJ mother?
Being an INFJ mother means a lot of things. This personality type is fiercely protective, knowing when to be present and when not to be, and having clear expectations for your children. But it also means giving yourself space to do what you need in order to stay healthy and balanced as well. You are both mother and father at the same time- you can’t expect them to shoulder all responsibility!
“will tend to look at their relationships with their children as opportunities to learn and grow with someone they care about. They will also work to achieve another important goal – raising their children to be independent and all-around good people.”
Let’s take a look at some of the traits of an INFJ and how they impact your choices as a mother.
3 Traits of the INFJ Mother:
1) INFJ Moms are fiercely protective
As INFJs, we’re so closely tied to our emotions that sometimes it feels like they are the only thing worth being passionate about. We have a tendency towards worry and anxiety- which also manifests during parenting as an incessant need for control over everything in your child’s life. It can be difficult to know when you should let go and allow your child to be independent and when you should step in.
The INFJ mother’s need for control is often rooted in the desire to protect her children from all of the dangers she fears they’ll face as adults: rejection, failure, criticism- even physical harm.
INFJs are also intensely private; it takes a lot for an INFJ mother to share her thoughts and feelings with others. INFJs don’t want their children to be exposed or vulnerable, so they’re often weary of telling them about the realities of the world- even if it’s necessary for them to grow up healthy.
What does this mean for INFJ parents?
You need to let go. In more than one way. And that happens by tapping into our intellect and compassion.
First, INFJ moms need space in order to stay healthy and balanced. This might mean taking some time away from your children, carving out space for yourself in your home by creating a “me” room or even just setting aside an hour to do something you enjoy without any interruptions.
INFJs are also prone towards anxiety– so it’s important that they figure out ways of relieving stress other than just sitting around worrying. INFJs need to find their own hobbies and passions, whether they’re related to parenting or not- it’s healthy for them as well as the family dynamic if INFJ parents can take a break from everything!
Second, you need to learn to be vulnerable with your children. Show them your emotions. When you are sad, explain why you’re sad. When you are angry, explain why and how to manage anger. An INFJ mother needs to realize that her children can handle it- they might even benefit from seeing your true self!
This comes from trusting our children to understand and to do the right thing, and trusting ourselves to do what’s best for them.
(Easier said than done… Believe me, as an INFJ, I know.)
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2) INFJ mothers create meaningful opportunities
The INFJ personality type is characterized by introversion, intuition, thinking and feeling. And as parents, INFJs prioritize spending more of their time with their children during the younger years- they want to make memories that will last a lifetime!
As our children get older though, INFJs are often pulled away from home life to work, meet with friends, or simply do things they enjoy. INFJs love spending time with their family- but sometimes it’s difficult to prioritize the important moments when there is always something else going on in life.
What does this mean for INFJ parents?
This is all about balance. The INFJ parent needs to make sure that she spends enough quality time at home with her family, and this includes relaxing, special events, and creating memories. (Read, don’t just work yourself to the bone.)
INFJ parents should take time for themselves- and then also make sure to spend quality times with their children. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen every day, but INFJs need to try to remember that being a parent is not just about work and chores: you want your child to grow up feeling loved at all times of the day.
INFJ parents are often guilty of trying to cram as much into a given amount of time because they think that going home and spending quality time with their children is the “way it’s always been done.”
The INFJs have grown up seeing their mother work, then come home from work and spend an hour or two before preparing dinner, then spend another hour or two after dinner with their children before bed. INFJs often think that this is the only way to be a parent, so they try and do it themselves.
It’s important for INFJ mothers to find this balance between self-care and quality time with their kids so that they don’t become bitter when their children grow older.
3) INFJ parents are perfectionists
Someone who is an INFJ mother wants the best for her children. They might not be able to see their child’s flaws- but they can definitely spot someone else who is doing a better job than them! INFJ parents feel like if they’re not perfect that it means that they don’t love their kids enough or aren’t doing the right thing.
What does this mean for INFJ parents?
This is a difficult one because INFJs are perfectionists and INFJ moms want to do everything- they’re determined, creative, and productive! They just need to learn how to be more realistic about what can get done in a day or week. It’s important for an INFJ mother to stop and say, “This is good enough.”
INFJs need to work to accept our own humanness. This means embracing our flaws, being self-aware of how we’re feeling and why, and learning to take care of ourselves. INFJ parents need to be their own advocate in this respect: it’s not selfish or ungrateful for INFJs to allow themselves time away from the family so that they can recharge!
Someone who is an INFJ parent has a lot on their plate: they’re the nurturer, organizer, and caregiver. INFJs need to work hard to care for themselves so that they can be there for everyone else in their lives- including the people who really matter.
INFJ moms need to live a balanced life – this personality type needs to find time to spend with their children, make memories together and care for themselves. INFJs are perfectionists who want the best for their family but need to be more realistic about what can get done.
INFJs need to work hard to practice self-care so that they can be there for everyone else in their lives- including the people who really matter. INFJ parents should learn how to accept our own humanness by embracing flaws, being self aware and taking care of ourselves!
What does being an INFJ mean for you as a mother?
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