How to Manifest a Relationship for Lasting, Supportive Love
This is a post that has been a long time coming and I’m excited to finally share my story with you. Manifesting a relationship is possible, and I’ll share with you exactly how I did it.
How to manifest a relationship starts with mindset: you have to open your heart and mind to having a relationship. Using affirmations is a great way to do this. Next, you need to prepare your life and act accordingly. Finally, you need to release any expectations of a relationship and be completely and utterly comfortable with yourself.
“Manifest” is a spiritual term. Manifesting something means that something is clear or evident to your mind’s eye (you can see it and you believe it), and you draw that clear experience into reality with your life energy. In other words, something spiritual becomes real.
I want to point out that if you are someone desperate to find a relationship, please step back and examine why! Being in a healthy, loving relationship is the ultimate goal. Being single and happy is always preferable to being in a toxic relationship!
Are you set on finding the RIGHT relationship, not just ANY?
Then follow this step by step guide to help you develop the correct mindset, prepare your life accordingly, and receive a healthy, loving relationship into your life!
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My Story of Manifesting the Right Relationship
Eight years ago, I was in grad school in Northeastern Ohio. I was married to my college sweetheart, but things weren’t great.
In fact, I was deeply unhappy. All the markers of a toxic relationship were there: avoidance, drama, negative energy, blame, judgment, pretense, gaslighting, keeping score, and walking on eggshells, to name a few. Looking back, I recognize the emotional, verbal, and yes, even behaviors that could have become physical abuse in the future (like shoving and blocking me from exiting a room) were there.
I wish I could have blamed everything solely on him, but the fact is that I wasn’t raised with the most effective communication regarding emotions either, and I didn’t always recognize when things weren’t right. Basically, I thought the abuse I suffered was normal. So I was angry, employed guilt-tripping, and used emotional manipulation too.
But I longed for a healthy relationship – I wanted to be happy with someone! I wanted to celebrate successes, comfort failures, share responsibilities, and be in mutual respect with a person for life. I was tired of the fighting and the drama! I was tired of the push and pull, the blaming, and the name-calling.
Desiring a Change
Two years into that marriage, I decided to make a change. (Remember, at this point, I thought the emotional manipulation and abuse were normal.)
I was going to stop keeping score. I would stop blaming him. I was going to be as open and honest as I could. I was going to stop avoiding confrontation for fear of an explosive fight or condescending remarks. Forgetting what we had endured in the past, I was going to be happy for myself and act as if the relationship was a healthy one.
I released my negativity.
Every time we stepped into a fight, I stayed as cool as I could. I wish I could say that I was perfectly cool all the time, but after all, I am human. But I noticed myself losing it much less frequently, even though the level of his own anger and negative energy stayed the same. I started walking away when things got unhealthy, and I started to be more content being alone. My habits were changing to reflect my mindset.
I realized that I was happy being me, happy being with me.
I accepted a job in Albuquerque, New Mexico but because of the need for a steady income, I moved five weeks before he did – he stayed in Ohio to live with his parents and continue working there.
Once I got here, my happiness exploded. I realized just how happy I was by myself!
But there was something else brewing once I arrived in ABQ.
I started developing a friendship with one of my coworkers, a teacher whose classroom was right next to mine. He was gentle but confident, quiet but had a great sense of humor.
More than anything, I felt safe when I was with him.
When my then-husband arrived 5 weeks after my teaching job started, I was suddenly consumed by all those negative feelings and thoughts once more. I knew that divorce was coming, but I struggled to cut the cord. Finally after some excellent advice from a mentor, I told my ex that he was moving back to Ohio, we filed for dissolution, and I never heard from him again.
Three weeks after the dissolution was settled, my new coworker and I started dating.
RELATED: How to Find Your Soulmate
Three years later and we got married, and now we have two beautiful sons!
This man is my partner, my equal. He lifts me up when I’m down, keeps it real when I start to get ahead of myself, and keeps me grounded. We’re both incredibly supportive of one another, we work together. We apologize when we need to, we compromise, and we respect each other.
Just like any other couple, we have our difficult times. We’re human and we get frustrated, but through our entire relationship, we’ve always taken a step back, talked things through, and opened our hearts to understanding.
Want to learn more about the science of manifestation? Be sure to check out these books by Dr. Joe Dispenza:
To Recap, Here’s the Process I Took
First, I decided I wanted a healthy, loving relationship.
Next, I changed my mindset to believe I had that loving relationship. I released the past of that unhealthy relationship so that I could step forward.
I acted accordingly, treating my then-husband with respect, patience, calm, and non-avoidance (the same way that I expected to be treated in a successful relationship).
Last, I became happy with myself and released any expectations of a relationship or of my ex treating me as I wanted to be treated. I was not desperate for a relationship. I was content to know that if I didn’t have that healthy relationship, that I would be happy with myself.
Honestly, it wasn’t until after I had been in my current relationship for several years and began to learn about manifestation that I realized it was exactly what I had done.
Decide What You Want
You’re reading this article, so you’ve already done this part!
Understand that you need to make decisions about what a happy, healthy relationship looks like for you.
As an introvert, I wanted someone who would give me time and space if I needed it. As a music teacher, I needed someone who understood the hours I devoted to my career. I knew that I wanted someone to would walk by my side through life together – I wanted someone who chose to walk next to me in life! I wanted someone who wanted kids and still wanted to travel and do exciting things together!
You may be extroverted and need someone who will go to parties with you. You might want someone who is warm and cuddly and whose love language is touch.
Whatever that perfect relationship looks like, it should be healthy and balanced! Otherwise, when you manifest another unhealthy relationship, don’t be surprised!
Develop the Right Mindset for Manifesting a Healthy Relationship
My favorite way to adjust my mindset is through the use of affirmations.
Affirmations are statements that you make to be true!
You can use these affirmations that I’ve written:
Affirmations for Finding Love
Having a positive, effective mindset means that you’re always thinking of that healthy relationship. But mindset also can mean thinking with your heart-brain. Feeling the emotions of a healthy relationship is just as important as thinking about what it looks like.
So when you think about those affirmations, make sure you’re feeling them too.
It also means that you’re thinking and feeling positive if your relationship is with yourself.
Recently, Emma Watson said that she prefers the term self-partnered to “single”. This is EXACTLY how you should think of it too!
Act Your Part of a Healthy Relationship
Whether you’re in a relationship or self-partnered, take those thoughts and turn them into actions. If you want a relationship that’s supportive and fun, then be supportive to your partner. By yourself? Talk to yourself like you’d like a partner to talk to you.
Be a fun person to spend time with, both for yourself and for your partner.
You’re thinking the thoughts and talking the talk… now you have to walk the walk.
Release All Expectations
This is by far the hardest part.
You HAVE to feel and know that you will be happy regardless of whether you have a healthy, loving relationship. Let go of your need to control. If a relationship is budding, don’t force it!
Release all expectations and find inner contentedness.
This step CANNOT be skipped!
RELATED: Learning How to Let Go of Control
Conclusion on How to Manifest a Relationship
Manifesting a relationship that is healthy and loving is totally possible, and I am proof of it!
But you should know, that like any other practice that you develop, manifesting can take some time. For me, it took a full year after I decided that I wanted a positive, healthy relationship before it manifested in my life.
Also, if you feel that you’re in an unhealthy relationship but you want to manifest a positive, healthy relationship with the person you’re already in a relationship with, that is also totally possible! But BOTH of you have to make the decision to manifest it: decide, develop mindset, act accordingly, and release expectations.
Manifesting your soulmate is absolutely possible!
Make sure you also check out: 4 Ways to Be a Supportive Partner During a Life Transition