Learning Our Worth and a Reflecting on Judging Others
I believe I deserve the best life has to offer, and so do you. I have value inherently—not because of what I offer other people. As a music educator, I was taught from college that schools will view our subject as less important. (I mean, the football team never has to write a letter to the board of education trying to get more funding or not be cut entirely… just saying.)
Weeks out of our education were dedicated to advocating for ourseves, our classes, and our programs. We wrote letters about the benefits of music to other subjects in school and life skills.
Hey, music helps students do better in math!
Students who participate in music also do better on test scores!
We were constantly in a state of defense, looking for the next blow to our jobs and egos.
What we weren’t always told is that music has intrinsic value—that even through all the benefits it offers other areas, music has value all by itself. (An ethics and finance term, it seems, but one that works well here.)
Before my own epiphany, I would say to myself:
- “I have value because I am a teacher and I contribute to my
- “I am a careful and safe driver, so I have value.”
- “I am a mother, so I have value.”
What if we did something radical and said, “I have value inherently. I am enough as I am.” ?
Brene Brown is, of course, the person famous for that last line: I am enough.
What if we didn’t need to advocate for ourselves? What if we decided we had nothing to prove?
Judgment: You deserved it
I have to admit, I have always felt I had something to prove. I always let my insecurities rule me in the past. Sometimes, because of those insecurities, I come off as judgmental.
When I see people who are less “complete” than I am, or struggling more, I have a tendency to say,
“Phew! At least I have it more together than that person!”
It’s a symptom of my upbringing. I was always taught that things happen to people by their own making.
- You embarrassed yourself? You’re uninformed.
- Failed at something? You weren’t properly prepared.
- Got divorced? Probably a narcissist.
- Aren’t enjoying your time off? You’re clearly trying to be miserable.
It happened because YOU DESERVED IT.
That is really difficult for me to admit—that I’m like this.
I’m not a bad person. I don’t consider myself judgmental.
But I am.
Making a Change: I deserve the best
Since having children, I have made it a personal goal to be more outwardly supportive, loving, and understanding. I’ve seen other mothers and been witness to their own struggles and my heart broke for them, for they were me and their struggles were mine. Moms already feel isolated as it is. I knew it was necessary for me to unlearn my habits and find the shut off switch for my judgment.
It was time for me to connect.
When we start with ourselves and say, “I am enough. I don’t need to prove my worth to you” then our perspective starts to shift.
We begin to see others for what they are and we can truly reach out.
The amazing part of it, is that we can also begin to reach out to ourselves.
I deserve the best life has to offer, and so do you.
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